This is It?

You know how when you are growing up you have all these big ideas of what the grown up world will be like and how you will do things like accompany your husband to company dinners and prepare nutritious meals for your kid and plant things in your yard? I often thought about these things when the conversation at the school lunch table was dull or crude or inane. "I can't wait to be around intelligent people when I grow up!" I would console myself.

Well the other night I did a grown up thing. I accompanied my husband to his company dinner. And the conversation was dull, crude and inane. Only this time I had nothing with which to console myself, no future times of witty banter to look forward to because this is the grown up world! There is no other level to graduate to! I am stuck in it, and it sucks.

How disappointing to find out that teenaged guys who talk about bathroom humor and pranks involving toilet seats evolve not into calm, charismatic, conversationalists, but into crude, clownish middle aged men who talk about bathroom humor and pranks involving toilet seats. Oh, the disappointment. Oh, the humanity!

And while I do occasionally feed my son tofu, I have never, not once planted something in my yard. Oh, woeful time.

Today I Blog

Joe tells me that I never tell stories. So this is my story outlet! And I've got a few doozies. The first one occured at 6:15 a.m. today. We were sound asleep as most normal people are at that time. And I woke up to a loud bang, bang, bang, on the door baby. I spied through the guest room window two police officers on my doorstep. I stumbled to the door, grabbing my robe as I went and unlocked the doorknob, deadbolt, chain, and storm door. The police officer asked if I was okay, and the blank stare I gave him encouraged him to further explain that the neighbor across the street called because she was worried that our garage door had been left open all night and that my car which was usually parked in the garage was out in the driveway.

Are you kidding? Do old people never shy from calling the cops? These are also the same people who bring our garbage cans up from the end of the driveway and set them in front of the garage 2 minutes after the trash man comes through and hang our newspaper on the mailbox so we will be sure to pick it up. I don't know whether to feel annoyed or grateful, stalked or watched over. It's all about Rear Window up in here. Lord only knows what else they have watched us do. If they start leaving gum and soap dolls in our tree it's time to panic.